Statecraft Informer

The other day, while driving down the road and chatting with my wife, I babbled to the end of a ridiculous statement, upon which she jokingly challenged me. Trapped “en vehico,� with no sensible alternative, I reached back into some dark, “smokey� corner of my brain, smiled, and said loudly,

“I’m just goofing on you, man!�

She laughed. I laughed. No biggee. Nostalgia sometimes works wonders.

In Washington, General George Casey, the top U.S. commander in Iraq, describes the violence in that country as follows: “We have seen the nature of the conflict evolving from an insurgency against us to a struggle for the division of political and economical power among the Iraqis.�

Like Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, Casey also insists the Iraq violence shouldn’t be considered a civil war, because the conflict is contained in and around Baghdad while the rest of the country is reasonably calm. When a panel of conservative historians and political scientists informed Casey and Rumsfeld that a civil war is defined as “a conflict between organized groups within a country who are fighting to control the central government or take power in a region,� the two leaders responded in unison,

“I’m just goofing on you, man!�

The New York Daily News quoted Republican John Spencer, referring to NY Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton, whose seat he is trying to win, as saying, “You ever see a picture of her back then (when she was younger)? Whew. I don’t know why Bill married her.� Spencer, who trails far behind the former First Lady in the polls, was also quoted as saying that Clinton underwent millions of dollars of “work� and “looks good now.�

When informed of her 59 year-old, craggy-faced challenger’s comments, Clinton, 58, said she thought her “high school picture was cute,� claimed she has had no “work� done of any kind, and “it’s unfortunate that when you don’t have anything positive to say about the issues that we can get off in some pretty swampy territory.� When asked if his campaign was “getting ugly,� the former Yonkers, NY mayor said,

“I’m just goofing on you, man!â€?

Meanwhile, U.S. State Department official, Alberto Fernandez, during an interview last Saturday with al-Jazeera, the Arab satellite television station, said the U.S. has shown “arrogance and stupidity in Iraq,� and that the world was “witnessing failure in Iraq.�

Fernandez, Director of Public Diplomacy in the State Department’s Bureau of Near Eastern Affairs, was later hustled into a BBC interview, where he claimed personal responsibility for his remarks, adding,

“I’m just goofing on you, man!�

Back in Washington, President Bush held high-level talks concerning the Iraq conflict in the White House this past weekend. The President announced his intentions to “remain flexible� while “staying the course,� and vowed to “make every necessary change to prevail in this struggle.�

Bush added, however, that he’s totally pissed at Cheney, Rove, Rumsfeld, and even “Condi� for “not having planned the whole thing any better.� The President concluded by saying, “First it’s the Godless liberals, now I’ve got the bible-thumpers on my ass, and now the election’s going to hell in a handbasket. Makes me want to go all nucular, and just drop the big one on all them Arabs.� Like I told my wife,

“I’m just goofing on you, Man!�

Or am I??