Statecraft Informer

Sparxafire!

As the anniversary of 9/11 approaches, we are apparently treated to a video from Osama bin Laden himself. Although, right out of the box, let me say I believe those who doubt the veracity of the tape have a good point. In these times, one can make any video appear to be anything or anyone. The technology is there. So, I can only give a 50/50 endorsement that the video is authentic bin Laden.

Regardless, it is a message from the terrorists. And I am horrified to report that bin Laden makes as much sense as your president! He is as fully as accurate and as reasoned as bush — maybe more so. Boy, do I hate to say that! But, after all, they are both radical religious fundamentalists… both perfectly willing to engage in violence.

In his message, bin Laden accurately describes the status quo in the U.S. citing the frustration of the American people, the sodden inability of the Democrats in Congress to make any meaningful move… He even works in the destruction of our middle class and the failure of the subprime mortgage industry, for crying out loud!

His solution? Americans should convert to Islam and enjoy its 2.5 percent tax rate! I’m not so sure this is so much a 9/11 anniversary speech as it is a U.S. presidential campaign speech! Is he preparing to throw his little turban wrap thingy into the ring???

Need more proof? He’s dyed his beard black to cover the gray. OMG.

Your statecraft informer is very close to a meltdown over here!

Sparxafire!

This just in: When Australia Deputy Prime Minister Mark Vaile asked your president how things are going in Iraq, your president replied, “We’re kickin’ ass.”

Woo Hoo! Kickin ass you say! So this is what a 3,400 U.S. casualty, $450 billion whupass looks like! That’s got to be one big dent in some big ass, right? So, um, whose ass exactly is bashed in? Well. I guess Saddam’s ass is well and truly kicked; he is dead and all. In fact, I bet the entire Hussein family’s ass is pretty rosy! And we have lost 3,400 of our own ass kicked (deceased) troops in the deal… That actually sucks.

Wait! I’ve got it! Your president must have been talking about your ass! And mine! And the ass of every other U.S. taxpayer! And their children’s… and grandchildren’s ass! That’s about the only sense I can extract from your president’s reductive, cowpoke, tuffguy remark. Sigh. There’s just something about a macho man who plays make believe with OPL (other people’s lives).

So, how many more billion do we have to spend to get Bin Laden’s ass kicked?

Sparxafire!

Today, someone called my cell phone by mistake. The caller sounded like he was riding a roller coaster at an amusement park, with wind noise and screaming in the background. I could not understand him, nor, apparently could he understand me, there being lots of general chaos involved. Finally, he made me understand the single word he kept repeating: Diamonds. I replied that I did not have any diamonds. He repeated, “Diamonds…” until I realized there was nothing to do but to just hang up.

Now that was a cool call, but not nearly as cool as the message Larry Craig left on some poor citizen’s phone about how he planned to play some angles, use cagey wording and launch a plan to get his confession to wide stance restroom hijinx withdrawn and somehow return triumphantly to the Senate.

Now that’s a wrong number!

Of course, then you have Rep. Doug Lamborn (R-Colo.) trying to apologize through clenched teeth about threatening voice mail messages he left on the phone recorder of citizens who had written a critical letter to the editor about Lamborn.

Is this just nuts, or what? Don’t people have any sense at all about leaving recorded messages? Are modern phones’ buttons too small for people to hit the right numbers? Even your statecraft informer can dial a phone.

Sparxafire!

So now we have your president wandering around in Iraq, asking soldiers, “How’s morale?” This is useful stuff. What soldier or civilian worker would respond honestly to the boss? Magnificent waste of time. Then, curiously, your president went on to say, “…When we begin to draw down troops from Iraq, it will be from a position of strength and success, not from the position of fear and failure…”

What is he talking about? Does he think this comment elicits thoughts of victory? I think that’s how you define “success” in a war… victory. Exactly what is there to “win” in Iraq? What could the definition of success possibly be? As far as I can tell, “success” in Iraq is defined as “we get their oil.” That is why we are there… to make sure their oil is under our fingernails, and to tear things up for Haliburton to make a fortune fixing, right? There’s your victory.

As much as we hear about a diplomatic solution, I think the design is that we are not supposed to hear about the negotiations to get the oil, and we are apparently having a hard time wresting it from their grasp.

Sparxafire!

Bless the Republicants hearts… how sickening is it to be a Republicant this week? Rove leaves. Gonzalez leaves. Snow leaves. Craig blows… as it were. How do they do it? How to they put one foot in front of the other? Rove, a seedy, greedy little piglet spends his life flopping about in primordial political slime. Gonzales? Clueless puppet. The lying was really, really bad… and badly executed, but worse, the job itself was ever so badly done. I don’t recall. I can’t remember. Meeting? Was I there? For crying out loud, ya idjit! Tony Snow: it’s not the money, it’s the sleaze (see roveslime, above…). He has children of his own watching him for goodness sake! Craig? It’s all about the hypocrisy. It is his very own work over the past 30 years in the Senate that perpetuates a society where gay men have to solicit sex in restrooms. He hates who he is; self loathing does not make for good government.

Ten years since Lady Di was killed. That was nuts. She used the media as much as they used her. Probably Dodi, new on the scene, decided to be macho about the paparazzi and show his new lady friend he could protect her from her bread and butter… Tsk.

Katrina anniversary. OMG. The sum of the human suffering could break your back. Don’t think about it or you’ll die. Don’t ever, ever, ever be caught in a hurricane, flood, fire, tornado, coal mine, Interstate highway bridge… And now we learn that cow farts are killing us. What a world!

I have grandchildren for crying out loud.